So, I'm sitting in my apartment where I only have two main styles of television stations that I can actually understand. Sure I could watch German or French television, but Ich no understanden. That only leaves me with news programming and music programming. And with a major war on right now, I've grown tired of seeing "America's New War" broadcasts every day. But I've recently grown tired, if I wasn't already, of today's current music scene.
I knew I could not put much stock into the "popular" music scene anymore when I noticed that both Right Said Fred and Rick Astley are back on the charts. But I was push over the edge when on MTV there was a program called Masters. I assumed this would be covering bands like the Beatles, Rolling Stones, the Who, or Dylan. Heck, I would even settle for bands that have been around for a long time like the Cure, Bon Jovi, or the Monkees. But when it was Britney Spears, I had to toss in the towel.
Now, I'm totally against her. She at least has kept most Americans from noticing that Cher is still making albums. But other than that, I can't see any value in her processed sound and image. In fact, I would call her the queen of Velveta music, you know over processed stuff. In fact, I call on all those who read this to make a stand and stop the purchase of any and all "Velveta" music. That is anything that you can tell has been put together only for the mighty dollar.
How can you tell? Here are a few signs.
1. Did the band know each other's last names before they finished recording their first album?
2. Does the artist sound completely different when live?
3. Does the artist spend more time dancing than playing an instrument?
4. Heck, have you ever seen the artist hold an instrument?
5. Is there a rival band or artist that they are always putting down?
6. Is their home base Orlando?
7. When describing a song, do they say things like, "The guy who wrote this was having problems with his wife, I guess, but he is a fat balding guy, so we get to sing it."
8. Have the artist attempted to make a film? (Let us not ever forget the disaster "Cool As Ice" with Vanilla Ice.)
9. Is the fan base biggest worry is tossing their retainer away with their school lunch trash?
10. Can kindergarten students understand their lyrics?
Do you get the idea? So do yourself, your friends, and your world a favor, and stop the spread of Velveta music. Destroy what you have, and go out and buy yourself some real music.
Might I suggest a few bands? Sure I can, it is my site. Try some U2, Martyn Joseph, Vigilantes of Love, Over the Rhine, Flemming and John, Pierce Pettis, or even Trout Fishing in America.
Sorry, I would finish this, but I feel the urge to go listen to my Best of Debbie Gibson album. And don't even get me started about TV/Movie stars going into music, like David Hasselhof, Eddie Murphey, Don Johnson, or Chevy Chase.